Holiday Warning: May Contain Coarse Language

A or B, Which Are You?

So November 16th they turned on the Christmas music at work. That was the Friday before thanksgiving. And slowly being driven further into my insanity by that ungodly cheerful music has caused me to realize a few things. First off, the holidays causes you to become one of two things, an asshole or a idiot. Me, I'm an asshole. But we all know that already, don't we. People get incredibly hostile when it gets cold outside. For instance, someone came into work at 8:56 when we close at 9. They wanted some lunch meat sliced, and we begrudgingly sliced it for them. Then they have the nerve to get upset with us because it was taking too long. Asshole. Next we sell complete dinners for you to buy. They're cold, but cooked. It says that 3 times on the order form, "Heat and Serve". And wouldn't you know there were 3 people who were pissed, and I mean pissed, that their dinner was cold. We told you it would be when you ordered it! Idiot. The surprising thing is that there is more assholes than idiots, but that may be because 95% of the assholes are really stupid too. Who would've thunk it?


A list of things you DO NOT DO!!! We're talking smack to the head here folks.

1. Use the phrase "If you don't mind..." We do mind, but we can't say anything so all we hear is "I'm a tool..." or "I know I'm a big bitch, but..." Come on people, think.
   
2. Be on your cell phone and want to get something. Hang up the phone. I don't disrespect you at your job, don't do it to me. And don't get pissed if I'm not that welcoming if you insist on staying on the phone. Tool.
3. Look at my name tag and try to act like we're friends. There are only 2 types of people we remember, the ones we like who are in there all the time, and the people we ABSOLUTELY HATE, and we remember you first. If it takes less than a month for me to know what you want, guess which you are.
   
4. Want to see a manager because you had to wait. It has already been proven the the universe revolves around The Twat and her bakery, not you. Sorry to burst your bubble.
5. Make a list and give it to the clerk, then leave. If you don't have that much time, don't buy so much shit!

This list can go on for a while with more or less slightly varied things that are completely annoying. It pretty much comes down to one thing.

We are not working in a service industry because it is our only option. We sacrifice our holiday with our families so you can have and do whatever you want to with yours. So be a little more considerate next time. We are the salt of the earth bitches. We cook your food, fix your shit, watch you while you sleep... you know the rest.

Is it January yet? Seriously?

Every Cloud Has Its Silver Lining

So, I've noticed that I'm not exactly keeping up with this like I wanted to. So now the abridged chapters, to get back up to speed.

OLD CAST
Barbara sue whatever... quit
Laynce... probably killed by his own squad by now
Mr. Wizard... quit
Crazy McPsychopants... might be back for the holidays (yipee!) but otherwise gone'

NEW CAST
oh hell, there have been 5 other people who have been hired since I started this that have also quit. They're funny but I don't really care enough to tell you about them. (If you don't live on this continent, disregard the last statement.)


Buffalo

• I like Buffalo, which is why I'm calling him buffalo.
• One of about 4 people I actually get along with at work.
• A gamer who likes the same games as I do and is intelligent enough to carry on a conversation.
  
• Being "ruined" by me. Straight from The Twat's mouth

We talk and too frequently for the likes of the power hungry retards who call themselves managers. The funny thing is that when the two of us work together, we get more work done and faster than other times. Imagine that, having a good time at work makes you more productive. Strange.


Pookster

• I like Pookster too, which is again why I'm calling him Pookster.
• Pookster helped me with my tattoo care since he already has a few.
• A gamer who... see above
• Is a really big fan of Robert Jordan, just like me. We talk about his books like girls talk about clothes or flat irons.
• A little older than me, which is refreshing after all the 18 year olds.
• Married, again almost like a mentor for my current adventures.

The tattoo on his forearm is awesome. Even though he is a republican, he thinks "Republicans for Voldemort" is hilarious. So he can't be that bad.


Sugar Baby Honey Doll

This woman has the most annoying country accent, if it could really be called that, but was at first really nice, so I could look past it. Wrong. I've never met a more two faced person who tries to manipulate people, but isn't quick enough to do it right. She will tell someone she told management on someone else, and then expect "But don't tell them I said anything" to really work. To tell you just how bad it is, she is smoke-break buddies with THE TWAT! And then comes back into the department and tells everyone how much she hates her. It is really hard to hate someone when your head is stuck inside their ass, figuratively of course. I tried to tell her she had a little something on her nose, and she told me because that woman is full of it. To dumb to see denial because of the water.

Powdered Sugar Granny

• Just like my mom without the embarrassment and shame when you tell a dirty joke
• Probably the only other person in the department, other than me, too qualified to work there.
• One of about 3, including me, who actually gives a shit what and how they do things.
• Dances (read: shakes her booty) while singing those brainworm jingles from the commercials. "There's no more fleas on me," and "Viva Viagara!"
• The coolest, non related, older person I've ever met.

You just gotta love someone who could be your mom, and yet still has a mouth dirty enough to make a 24 year old, with no shame, blush.


And now it's time to talk about me!

I got my first performance evaluation about a month ago. I've worked for almost 3 1/2 years now. Here is what my General Manager had to say.

• "I need to concentrate more on sales rather than talking to every deli employee." Our sales are up $1,000 per week since I started there a little over a year ago. And I need to pay attention.
• "Chris needs to focus on giving more of his knowledge towards the department." First, what? Second, but I can't talk to anyone. Third, what?
• "Calls in more than is required." I've called in about 4 or 5, maybe even 6 times in the year since Quickdraw started working. And what in the hell does "required" have anything to do with this?

• MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!! "Chris is good at his job, but not as good as he thinks." Hahahahahahahaha hahahahaha! My response to that comment was "Everyone is entitled to their own opinions." If they think that I am actually working, they're even more oblivious than I thought. This has been the running joke among the few people I talk to since about 30 seconds after I got back into the department.
  

update: While setting up the display case one morning before a commercial shoot, I asked the GM what she thought of the case. She said that it looked great, and I replied, "But not as much as i think, right?" I know, I know that it was just asking to get in trouble, but hey. Wouldn't you want to do it to your boss? Sometimes they just got to be put in their place, right?